Tuesday, February 13, 2018

Lesson #1 - Why Connect 4?


Most of us have played Connect 4 with our kids at some point, most likely back in the good ol’ days when they still begged for attention. Now it seems the tables have turned - the big eyes that once pleaded for parental favor are rolling at everything we say. Hall (1916) referred to adolescence as a time of storm and stress. It’s no wonder that because of this prevailing portrait of teendom, many parents feel ambivalent about facing this stage with their children. Though the majority of them wouldn’t admit it, teens need their parents more than ever. Research has shown that teens are less likely to engage in delinquency when they have a strong connection to one or both parents (Hair, Moore, Garrett, Ling, & Cleveland, 2008). So, in a world polluted with parenting advice, we submit that the best way to parent a teenager is . . . to play Connect 4!

During the next several weeks, six lessons will be presented on this blog that will help you Connect 4 Your Teen. Every parenting skill you gain from this curriculum is another Connect 4 chip in your column, and one step closer to winning the game! 
Weekly lessons will cover:

·       The vital nature of the parent-teen relationship
·       Different parenting styles and how each one affects the parent-teen relationship and the teen’s behavior
·       Setting limits, gradual autonomy granting, and conquering conversations about sex, drugs, or other sensitive topics
·       Antisocial behavior such as delinquency, depression, and suicide
·       Prosocial behavior such as academic achievement, appropriate development, and self-esteem
·       Teens and technology - specifically, technology addiction, social media, cyberbullying, and parental monitoring

Since there’s no time like the present (and those teens aren’t getting any younger), let’s start right away! First up: the parent-teen connection.


In his book, Roehling (2003) states that a highly involved family can be a safe haven for teenagers. Connecting with your teens can provide this haven.

Related image 

One study found that positive relationships between adolescents and their parents predicted significantly lower levels of delinquency and higher levels of well-being (Hair et al., 2008). The same study also documented the efficacy of family activities in discouraging acting-out behavior (Hair et al., 2008). How do you know if you have a positive relationship with your teen? Ask them! For the parental relationship to run interference for teens, it must be perceived as positive by the teen (Hair et al., 2008).
Image result for run interference 

Not only does the parent-teen connection discourage delinquency and promote mental wellbeing in adolescents (Hair et. al, 2008), it may have physical benefits as well. One study observed greater response to flu vaccines in children with positive parental connections. The researchers actually documented greater antibody production in kids who had good parental relations (O’Connor et al., 2015). We’re going to go out on a limb here, and declare that the importance of the parent-teen connection simply cannot be overstated!

As previously stated, the teenage years are a significant time of development and both parents and teens have many challenges. What will you do to foster a positive connection with your teen? Start by taking a moment to see how you are doing:

·       How do I balance freedom and safety for my teen?
·       How do I help shape my teen’s identity based on values?
·       How do I help my teen without offending them and pushing them away?
·       Do I feel connected to my teen?

Watch this short video about the development of teens. Hopefully, this clip will be able to capture the essence of this complicated stage for you.


Learning Outcomes
Let’s get connected!
Don’t assume that, since you're the parent, you are connected with your teen. Teens are in the stage of their life where they want to be their OWN person. The adorably dimpled toddlers who once depended on Mom and Dad for everything morph into angsty beings vying for independence. However, teens still need their parents, possibly more than ever. Consider the following suggestions:

1.     Identify strengths and weaknesses in your current relationship with your teen
2.     Set goals for strengthening the parent-teen relationship
3.     Learn about parenting practices best suited for parent-teen interactions

Sometimes parents and teens just don’t get each other. Take this clip from Freaky Friday, for instance:


Other than allowing yourself a humorous interlude, what did you gain from watching this clip? What did you learn? Take a moment to write down what impressed you most. How will you incorporate these impressions into your parenting?

Now, onto homework!
Reflection Questions
Taking time to reflect on this post can help strengthen your skills as a parent:

·       If asked, would my teen say that he or she has a positive relationship with me?
·       When was the last time I asked my teen about his/her day, then listened to the answer?
·       Do I know what makes my teen feel loved? Have I used this method to communicate my affection?

Challenge
What can you do this week for another chip in your Connect 4 board? Consider the following ideas:

·       Schedule time to ask your teen questions
·       Take a self-test to see how involved you really are
·       Find one thing you can do differently this week to connect


That’s all for this week! Next time on Connect 4 Your Teen:

“Which Way?” - Explore different parenting styles and how each one affects the parent-teen relationship and adolescent behavior.

Please take a moment to leave some feedback on this post!

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfyqWI2DDJ3IHHMi7itsKra11HszeEnaKUqCUCzA9hIvUpclg/viewform?usp=sf_link

REFERENCES:

Hall, G.S. (1916). Adolescence. New York, NY. Appleton.

Hair, E.C., Moore, K.A., Garrett, S.B., Ling, T., & Cleveland, K. (2008). The continued importance of quality parent-adolescent relationships during late adolescence. Journal of Research on Adolescence, 18, 187-200.

O’Connor, T.G., Wang, H., Moynihan, J.A., Wyman, P.A., Carnahan, J., Lofthus, G., Quataert, S.A., Bowman, M., Burke, A.S., & Caserta, M.T. (2015). Observed parent–child relationship quality predicts antibody response to vaccination in children. Brain Behavior and Immunity, 48, 265-273.

Roehling, P.V., Moeh, P., & Batt, R. (2003). When work spills over into the home and home spills over into work. In p. Moen (Ed.), It's about time: Couples and careers (PP.101-121). Ithaca, NY: Cornell University Press.
  

PHOTO/VIDEO REFERENCES:

Amazon. (2018). Connect Four replacement checkers. Retrieved from:

Dixon, L., & Hach, H. (2003, August 6). Freaky Friday [Video file]. Retrieved from: https://youtu.be/HB2fUjeDR30

Moffit, M. (2016, February 14). Why are teens so moody? [Video file]. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/du8siPJ1ZKo

Pinterest. (2018). UCLA quarterback Brett Hundley (17) runs interference for running back Johnathan Franklin. Retrieved from: https://www.google.com/search?q=run+interference&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiUvP6DzZbZAhVNvlMKHV-JA3QQ_AUICygC&biw=1280&bih=615#imgrc=vSKjQ4KLDNiRMM

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