Learning
about what it takes to help your teen be happy and healthy can be difficult.
Teens experience many struggles during this time of their lives, such as
academic pressure and forming their own morals and values. Just like carefully
looking both ways to cross a street, parents need to embrace this concept and Connect
4 Your Teen. Research has shown that a positive relationship with parents
can help teenagers develop a good attitude about school and positively impact
their academic achievement (Kocayor & Simsek, 2016).
Academic
Achievement
This
video helps parents see how influential they can be in their teens lives.
I
love the tips we learn in this video to help encourage academic success!
- High Expectations: Ask how they can improve next time, and tell them you
know they can do better.
- Talk about school: Be specific and let them talk about their experiences.
Let them feel smarter than you!
- Develop good work habits: Encourage them to ask for help.
Help them learn to navigate a world with distractions.
- Have a positive attitude: Ask them what they can do
different next time.
- Read together: This creates a foundation for education. Read for fun as well as phonics!
Would
it be safe to assume most parents want to see their child succeed? Probably,
but how does this happen? Is academic achievement merely being smart and
listening? Research helps us understand one answer to this question. In one
study, it was found that the attachment a parent and child have can help
encourage that child to engage in academics and school activities (Kocayor
& Simsek, 2016). It was also found that teens with a strong parent
attachment have a “working model of self and are more likely to express their feelings
and exhibit more positive social behaviors” (Kocayor & Simsek, 2016, pp.
415).
Identity
Development
The
teenage years are regarded as a time of rapid development. Therefore, building
an identity can be difficult alongside all the other pressures of life, and
self-image can be influenced by all these changes. Erikson (1993) helps us
understand this as he explains how teens go through the process of forming
their own identity. He explains how significant this process is for teens; one
of the most important times in their development. This is when teens explore
their sexual, social and personal identities (Erikson, 1993). Therefore, it’s
important to take note of how influential others are during this time of
self-searching and identity development. Teens compare themselves to others,
and therefore start building their new roles and identities around what others
think. This phenomenon is referred to as “The Looking Glass Self” (Cooley,
1902). How can we help our teens develop a positive self-image that ultimately
leads to healthy identity development? In the tsunami of positive parenting
propaganda in the world today, it is very easy to get overwhelmed. Rather than
look at everything you could (or perhaps should) be doing, let’s talk about one
common parenting pitfall to avoid.
Self-Esteem
Watch
the following video from one of our authors about self-esteem:
Here’s
what Prager University has to say about self-esteem:
What
do you think? Has your outlook on self-esteem changed? If you’re on the fence,
consider asking your kids what makes them feel good about themselves, and then
decide for yourself!
The
Developing Teen
One
thing that can interfere with appropriate development for teens is lack of
sleep. With more homework, increased extracurricular involvement, and later
curfews, most teens probably get much less sleep than they need. According to
the National Sleep Foundation, teens still need 8-10 hours of sleep, and only
about 15% of teens get this much (National Sleep Foundation, n.d.). Here, we
can once again pull in gradual autonomy granting and state that parents
still need to monitor their adolescents’ needs for structure and bedtime
routines.
My
sixteen-year-old daughter is extremely extroverted. She draws energy from
social events and being around groups of people in general. She absolutely
hates missing out on things! She also wants to be involved in various clubs,
sports, and activities at school. More than once, this mama bear has had to put
her foot down and insist that she is stretching herself too thin.
While
extracurricular involvement is positively related to academic achievement
(Mahoney & Cairns, 1997), too much of a good thing can quickly lead to
burnout for teens as well as parents. As parents, we must have the courage to
say “no” to some good things in the interest of better things, like optimal physical,
emotional, and mental development. As a matter of interest, my extroverted
daughter still goes to bed 8:00 p.m. every night - right along with her younger
siblings!
Reflective Questions & Challenge
What can you do this week for another chip in your Connect 4
board? Consider the following ideas:
- Ask your teen how school is
going
- Start reading a new book
together
- Ask your teen what makes them
feel good about themselves
- Find something to praise your
teen for
- Ponder whether your teen gets
enough sleep
- Ask yourself if your teen is
overscheduled - if so, how can you help them cut back?
That’s
all for this week! Next time on Connect 4 Your Teen:
“Teens and Technology” – Addiction, Parental
Monitoring, Social Media, & Cyberbullying
Reader
Survey:
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leave some feedback on this post!
References
Baumeister, R.F.,
Campbell, J.D., Krueger, J.I., & Vohs, K.D. (2005). Exploding the
self-esteem myth. Scientific American Mind, 292(1), 84-91. Retrieved from:
Cooley, C.H. (1902). Human
nature and the social order. New York, NY: Scribner’s.
Erikson, E. (1993). Childhood
and Society (3rd ed.). New York, NY: Norton.
Kocayor, E. &
Simsek, O. F. (2016). Parental attachment and adolescents’ perception of school
alienation: The mediation role of self-esteem and adjustment. The Journal of
Psychology, 150,(4), 405–421.
Mahoney, J. & Cairns, R. (1997). Do extracurricular activities protect against early school dropout? Developmental Psychology, 33(2), 241-253.
Stosny, S. (2013, April
12). Forget self-esteem. Develop self-value. Retrieved from: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/anger-in-the-age-entitlement/201304/forget-self-esteem
Photo and Video References
Google. (n.d.). Can't sleep? Retrieved from: https://www.cnn.com/2016/11/09/health/smartphones-harm-sleep/index.html
Hulls, N. (2012). Happy
teens. Retrieved from: http://www.nathanhulls.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/happy-teens.jpg
National Sleep
Foundation. (n.d.). Teens and sleep. Retrieved from:
People for Education.
(2014). Helping your kids succeed in school. Retrieved from: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D0S_gLw9pXg&feature=youtu.be
Pulsipher, M. (2018). Self-esteem. [Video file]. Retrieved from: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SQ7pNPWk1TE&feature=youtu.be
Teenage Survival Coach. (n.d.). Teenage sleep. How much is needed? Retrieved from: https://teenagesurvivalcoach.com.au/teenage-sleep-how-much-is-needed/
Virily. (n.d.). This will happen to you if you look at yourself in a mirror too much. Retrieved from: https://virily.com/beauty-health/will-happen-look-mirror-much/
Walsh, M. (2017, 14 September). Why self-esteem is self-defeating. [Video file]. Prager University. Retrieved from: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B8XYmA_8-H4
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